Therapy for Self-Esteem | In Ann Arbor and Online throughout Michigan
Does it feel like you can’t do anything right?
You are your own worst critic. Making a simple mistake at work or misspeaking in conversation with a friend leads to replaying the event in your mind relentlessly. You criticize yourself, wonder why you can’t “do better,” and fear being judged by others. In your hardest moments, you feel like a failure.
You second-guess yourself so much that you’re not sure what it is that you really want any more. Whether you’re catching up with a friend or scrolling on social media, you often compare yourself to other people and worry that you’re falling short. You feel pressure to go along with what others want, with anything from making dinner plans to dealing with pushback from difficult family members. You don’t trust that what you’re thinking is worth speaking up about, or you worry that there’s something about you that others will not like or accept.
When your own mind is hard on you, it’s extremely tough to trust your instincts. You might lose touch with the things that bring you joy, and get caught up in trying to please others or doing what you believe you “should” be doing. You may feel sadness, anger or resentment. You may have no idea what would make you happy, or the things that you do want seem out of reach or not possible.
You deserve to recognize your own strengths.
How therapy can help
Therapy for self-esteem can help you to build confidence and get in touch with the things you like about yourself. (And if this sounds cheesy or far-fetched, it might show how self-critical of a place your mind has become.) When you feel more confident in yourself, everything becomes a bit easier – you can make choices to spend your time in ways that feel fulfilling, you can more comfortably open up to others, and you can get more distance from that critical inner voice.
My approach is rooted in deeply understanding you as an individual – not just telling you to “think positive” about yourself in ways that feel generic or insincere. We will work together to:
Understand your negative self-talk and where it comes from
Learn tools for feeling less impacted by self-criticism when it arises
Explore the strengths and personality traits that make you who you are, so that you can more confidently go in the direction of things that feel meaningful for you
When you get more access to your strengths and needs – without all of the noise from self-criticism or people-pleasing – life becomes much more gratifying. The actions that you take each day, from speaking up assertively to a family member to choosing how you spend your free time, can lead you in a direction that feels more fulfilling and rewarding. This is the work we can do together.
Therapy for self-esteem can help you…
Develop a kinder inner voice
Learn skills for navigating spirals of shame and self-criticism
Build closer relationships with others
Feel more confident in knowing what is right for you
Get more meaning and joy from your daily life
Frequently asked questions about self-esteem therapy
FAQs
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While everyone is self-critical at times, you can learn about your own self-esteem by paying attention to how you think about yourself in general (how do you react if you are asked to consider your strengths or whether you “like” yourself?), as well as how you think about yourself in vulnerable moments such as when you make a mistake. For some people, this might feel very “loud” (thinking of yourself in obviously critical ways). For others, it may be more of a difficulty finding your inner voice and knowing what you want for yourself, or feeling a strong need to defer to what others want. It can also be helpful to pay attention to whether your views of yourself are stopping you from taking actions that you might otherwise want - such as pursuing a relationship or making a job change.
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We are often surrounded by messages about self-improvement that can make it seem helpful to be self-critical. The key is in the tone and intensity of what this looks like. It can certainly be useful and important at times to reflect on our behaviors and think of ways that we would like to do better. But deeply self-critical messages (like “I’m such a failure”) are not actually motivating or helpful when it comes to making meaningful behavioral changes.
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In therapy for self-esteem, I use concepts from Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT), which offers great tools for feeling less caught up in self-critical thoughts, and for getting in touch with what truly matters to you. I also pull techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for becoming more aware of patterns in your thinking. I will also spend time getting to know how your life experiences and relationships have affected how you view yourself. To learn more about my style, you can visit my About page.