While everyone is self-critical at times, you can learn about your own self-esteem by paying attention to how you think about yourself in general (how do you react if you are asked to consider your strengths or whether you “like” yourself?), as well as how you think about yourself in vulnerable moments such as when you make a mistake. For some people, this might feel very “loud” (thinking of yourself in obviously critical ways). For others, it may be more of a difficulty finding your inner voice and knowing what you want for yourself, or feeling a strong need to defer to what others want. It can also be helpful to pay attention to whether your views of yourself are stopping you from taking actions that you might otherwise want - such as pursuing a relationship or making a job change.

We are often surrounded by messages about self-improvement that can make it seem helpful to be self-critical. The key is in the tone and intensity of what this looks like. It can certainly be useful and important at times to reflect on our behaviors and think of ways that we would like to do better. But deeply self-critical messages (like “I’m such a failure”) are not actually motivating or helpful when it comes to making meaningful behavioral changes.

In therapy for self-esteem, I use concepts from Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT), which offers great tools for feeling less caught up in self-critical thoughts, and for getting in touch with what truly matters to you. I also pull techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for becoming more aware of patterns in your thinking. I will also spend time getting to know how your life experiences and relationships have affected how you view yourself. To learn more about my style, you can visit my About page.